Hello everyone and welcome to my second post of the month :)
This week I’ve mainly been working, but I’ve also found plenty of time to swear about car insurance. This year has been especially trying; the number of insurers willing to quote me decreasing at a rate inversely proportional to the prices that the remaining ones will offer.
If you too are growing annoyed at finding decent insurance, I’ve catalogued my tips and tricks into a simple to follow guide which you can find here.
In other news, the Capri is still awaiting its restoration ready for next summer. In the meantime, I found a couple of bits that have been written about the old Ford and its brethren that made me laugh the other day so thought I’d share with you –
Ford Capri Car Review:
"There is no doubt that in its day the Capri was the fastest car on the road, with a superb rear wheel drive chassis and rear leaf springs which allowed you to fully explore the F1 type handling. It was also this same rear wheel drive powertrain that helped the Capri become the car that invented 'four wheel steer', long before Honda stole the idea.
"On the outside, exotic looks made the Capri a thing of beauty to behold. Witness the length of the bulging bonnet hiding the fiery Ford power. See how it mocks the E-Type's pussy shape with its macho stance and Desperate Dan square chin spoiler.
Special equipment includes:
RS PESSIMISTIC SPEEDO:
This always reads 15% on the slow side, allowing you to keep a straight face when pulled by the plod for speeding. Back in the day, the fact that the ticket read '40 in a 30', when you knew you were doing at least 50, was only because the Plod were driving the mighty 3 litre vehicle with the same speedo.
F1 ADAPTIVE REAR WING:
Not content with handling prowess streets ahead of the opposition, Ford engineers took the F1 rear wing and used it as a mere starting point in their pursuit of aerodynamic perfection. By using special hi-tech pliable rubber, Ford was able to create a rear wing which could change shape under the huge wind pressure created by the Capri's monstrous top speed. Bear in mind that this was 20 years before those thieving Krauts at Porsche managed to achieve the same feat only by employing a computer.
PERFORMANCE ENHANCING F1 DEVELOPED PARTS:
With Ford - Lotus dominating F1 it was only to be expected that Ford should take the circuit racer's greatest technology (the stickers) and put it into the road racers. As a result, those Capris badged 'S' 'J.P.S', Special' and ' XLR' are 10% quicker than all of the other ones.
HYPNO-CHICK DICE:
No self-respecting street warrior could be seen without the factory fitted furry dice. These stylish cubes of power were available only in black with white spots and carried Henry Ford's personal "you will get laid" guarantee.
GENETICALLY ENGINEERED LEATHER:
Ford engineers were able to combine the DNA of cows with the fossilised remains of sea creatures and through a special petro-chemical process, not unlike that seen in Jurassic Park, created the sensuous leather-effect steering wheel and gear knob.
MORE CLOCKS AND GUAGES THAN A SPACESHUTTLE:
6 clocks were, and still are, the standard for car instrumentation. Any less and there is no-way to see just how well your car is performing. Note how even the eyeball air vent below the a pillar is cleverly designed to look like a gauge to create even more of an impression!
NEVERENDING SPARES SUPPORT:
We all know Ford spares are cheap and readily available but with the Capri, repairs just aren't needed because this car is so reliable. If you see one broken down at the road side it is because it has been sabotaged by someone, probably a Vauxhall owner. It is more than possible to travel 190,000 miles in a Capri without ever needing to change the oil, plugs or filters. FACT.
"On the outside, exotic looks made the Capri a thing of beauty to behold. Witness the length of the bulging bonnet hiding the fiery Ford power. See how it mocks the E-Type's pussy shape with its macho stance and Desperate Dan square chin spoiler.
Special equipment includes:
RS PESSIMISTIC SPEEDO:
This always reads 15% on the slow side, allowing you to keep a straight face when pulled by the plod for speeding. Back in the day, the fact that the ticket read '40 in a 30', when you knew you were doing at least 50, was only because the Plod were driving the mighty 3 litre vehicle with the same speedo.
F1 ADAPTIVE REAR WING:
Not content with handling prowess streets ahead of the opposition, Ford engineers took the F1 rear wing and used it as a mere starting point in their pursuit of aerodynamic perfection. By using special hi-tech pliable rubber, Ford was able to create a rear wing which could change shape under the huge wind pressure created by the Capri's monstrous top speed. Bear in mind that this was 20 years before those thieving Krauts at Porsche managed to achieve the same feat only by employing a computer.
PERFORMANCE ENHANCING F1 DEVELOPED PARTS:
With Ford - Lotus dominating F1 it was only to be expected that Ford should take the circuit racer's greatest technology (the stickers) and put it into the road racers. As a result, those Capris badged 'S' 'J.P.S', Special' and ' XLR' are 10% quicker than all of the other ones.
HYPNO-CHICK DICE:
No self-respecting street warrior could be seen without the factory fitted furry dice. These stylish cubes of power were available only in black with white spots and carried Henry Ford's personal "you will get laid" guarantee.
GENETICALLY ENGINEERED LEATHER:
Ford engineers were able to combine the DNA of cows with the fossilised remains of sea creatures and through a special petro-chemical process, not unlike that seen in Jurassic Park, created the sensuous leather-effect steering wheel and gear knob.
MORE CLOCKS AND GUAGES THAN A SPACESHUTTLE:
6 clocks were, and still are, the standard for car instrumentation. Any less and there is no-way to see just how well your car is performing. Note how even the eyeball air vent below the a pillar is cleverly designed to look like a gauge to create even more of an impression!
NEVERENDING SPARES SUPPORT:
We all know Ford spares are cheap and readily available but with the Capri, repairs just aren't needed because this car is so reliable. If you see one broken down at the road side it is because it has been sabotaged by someone, probably a Vauxhall owner. It is more than possible to travel 190,000 miles in a Capri without ever needing to change the oil, plugs or filters. FACT.
The Ten Commandments of the Ford Capri:
1) I am the Capri, thy car who has delivered thee out of the hands of the Vauxhall Nova. Thou shalt have no other cars before me.
2) Thou shalt not make for thyself any graven images of Chevrolets, nor of Pontiacs, nor of Oldsmobiles, nor of anything that is made by GM; thou shalt not bow down to them, for the Ford is a jealous car.
3) Thou shalt not take the name of the Ford in vain, even though the company now forsakes thee and sends thee no spare parts.
4) Remember thy oil changes, and keep them faithfully. 6,000 miles shalt thou drive and do all thy errands, but then shalt thy Capri rest and have its oil changed.
5) Honour thy 13mm wrench and thy Philips screwdriver that thy Capri’s days may be long in the land of the living.
6) Thou shalt not kill Capris by driving them in salt.
7) Thou shalt not commit unmentionable acts in the back seat, lest thou hurt thyself, for it is far too cramped back there. And remember ye the benefits of reclining front bucket seats.
8) Thou shalt not steal engines from Chevrolets for use in Capris, for this is an abomination.
9) Thou shalt not bear false witness about thy 0-60 time, nor thy top speed.
10) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s 3.0 X-Pack, nor his 2.8i, nor his 280 Brooklands, nor his Tickford Turbo, nor any Capri that is thy neighbour’s. Thou shalt fix up thine own instead, and make thy neighbour covet it.
2) Thou shalt not make for thyself any graven images of Chevrolets, nor of Pontiacs, nor of Oldsmobiles, nor of anything that is made by GM; thou shalt not bow down to them, for the Ford is a jealous car.
3) Thou shalt not take the name of the Ford in vain, even though the company now forsakes thee and sends thee no spare parts.
4) Remember thy oil changes, and keep them faithfully. 6,000 miles shalt thou drive and do all thy errands, but then shalt thy Capri rest and have its oil changed.
5) Honour thy 13mm wrench and thy Philips screwdriver that thy Capri’s days may be long in the land of the living.
6) Thou shalt not kill Capris by driving them in salt.
7) Thou shalt not commit unmentionable acts in the back seat, lest thou hurt thyself, for it is far too cramped back there. And remember ye the benefits of reclining front bucket seats.
8) Thou shalt not steal engines from Chevrolets for use in Capris, for this is an abomination.
9) Thou shalt not bear false witness about thy 0-60 time, nor thy top speed.
10) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s 3.0 X-Pack, nor his 2.8i, nor his 280 Brooklands, nor his Tickford Turbo, nor any Capri that is thy neighbour’s. Thou shalt fix up thine own instead, and make thy neighbour covet it.
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